Price. Quality. Service. Pick two.
There are two kinds of good meetings: postponed and cancelled.
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Why do people who know the least always seem to know it the loudest?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
When a mime is arrested, does he have the right to remain motionless?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn’t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Why do they call it a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
Why does bottled water have an expiration date?
If someone told you they were a pathological liar, should you believe them?
He who throws mud loses ground.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Why do they call it lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Is it my imagination or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste.
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.